Archive for the 'Members' Category

In the Clear

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

An Aleph recently complained to me that his advisor would not allow his chapter to hold events if they did not clear them at least a week an advance. Some of you reading this might say this is perfectly reasonable – the requirement ensures that there is plenty of time for the advisor to review the event for safety and policy concerns, and ensures that the planners have really thought out any issues ahead of time. Others might suggest this requirement is unreasonable – as it does not offer enough flexibility for members to deal with and resolve issues in cases where something goes wrong in the planning.

Both views are valid, but as you’ll see, one is more valid than the other.


The Essence of Leadership

Monday, February 1st, 2010

Everyone knows that BBYO is a youth led organization. And in developing youth leaders your chapter and region has more than likely run leadership programs of various types. In those programs the question has probably been asked: “What is a leader?” And as part of that program you have probably heard numerous answers and opinions.

So let us consider that age old question: what, indeed, is leadership?

First, it’s important not to confuse leadership skills with leadership. Leadership skills are specific skills that you develop in order to exercise leadership. Public speaking, conflict resolution, event planning are all leadership skills.

True leadership, however, has to do with what you do with those skills.

So what is leadership? From what I’ve seen, good leadership comes down to one simple statement: A good leader acts in the best interests of the community, putting the community’s interest ahead of their own.

Now this doesn’t mean that a leader is a martyr – who has to constantly sacrifice themselves for the community. For one thing, most of the time the leader’s interests are the same as the community’s – after all, the leader benefits if the community does well. But once in a while, the interests of the individual do not match the interests of the community. In this case you see the true measure of a leader. Does he or she lead to benefit themselves, or to benefit the community?

Ultimately, this is the only question that matters, but it is not a simple question. It can be difficult to know someone’s true motivation – especially if they are skilled or charismatic leaders. Nevertheless, in my experience no matter how skilled or charismatic a member may be, ultimately a leader’s real motivations cannot be hidden from the community (at least within a chapter) – members know each other too well.

How do you spot a good leader? Here’s a hint – look at what they do when they are NOT leading the group. Do they help others without seeking recognition or credit? To they give credit where due? Do they strive to grow other leaders, or keep the glory to themselves? Can they support other’s visions or only their own? Ask yourself these same questions and you may well find yourself seeing great leadership where it matters most – when you look in the mirror.

Drugs and BBYO

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

It’s no secret that some BBYO members use drugs. I realize it’s not something anyone wants to talk about publicly – nobody wants BBYO to be associated with drug use (never mind the fact that members of every other youth organization do drugs as well). But ignoring the problem doesn’t solve it.

Especially if you don’t think it’s a problem in the first place.

So bear with me, and you’ll read the truth about drugs and alcohol – what they don’t teach properly in school. Please read it even (especially) if you don’t yourself use drugs or alcohol – because it will help you know what to say to your friends.

Drugs Kill Chapters

The logic is simple. Parents disapprove of drugs. Parents trust that BBYO will be a good influence on their kids. If your chapter gets a reputation or is known to be involved with drugs and alcohol parents will stop sending their kids to your chapter. It will become harder and harder to recruit and ultimately your chapter will die. I’ve seen it happen.

What you do outside events matters

I’ve heard a remarkable number of members argue that as long as they don’t do drugs or drink at events, everything is fine. There are two reason why this is wrong:

  1. You are a role model for other members even outside of events.
  2. Parents don’t care whether it’s an event or not – if their son or daughter is being introduced to drugs or drink by members, they consider it BBYO regardless.

These may not seem “fair”. But fair or not, they are absoloutely true and you can’t escape, argue, or avoid them.

Drugs aren’t simply “bad”

Most schools do a lousy job teaching the truth about drugs. They give the impression that drugs and alcohol will ruin your life. So what happens when teens experiment once or twice and discover that their life doesn’t fall apart overnight? They assume that the school was lying and that drugs and alcohol aren’t that dangerous.

Here’s what they should be teaching:

Drugs and alcohol may or may not ruin your life

Drugs and alcohol are like playing Russian Roulette – you don’t know how it will impact you. Everyone is different. Some people can use these substances in moderation and it will have little or no impact on their lives. For others, it is much more dangerous – they might become alcoholics, or move into harder drugs. Even pot can, in certain individuals, trigger serious mental illness.

You won’t know how it impacts someone until after the impact

Not only does the reaction to drugs and alcohol vary by individual – the consequences don’t become apparent for months. So the fact that someone can experiment once or twice and not see an impact doesn’t mean a thing. By the time you see the impact, the damage has been done.

Introducing someone to drugs or alcohol is unfraternal

Because you can’t know how it will impact someone, introducing someone to drugs or alcohol is literally putting their future and lives at risk. Doing so is one of the most unfraternal and cruel things you can do to a brother Aleph or sister BBG. Anyone who does so is not worthy of being a member of the organization.

The younger you are the greater the danger

One of the fastest growing parts of your body during adolescence is your brain. Bathing it in alcohol, THC or other substances can change the way your brain grows. If you feel you have to experiment in these things, do yourself a favor and wait until college. It’s not “safe”, but it is safer – by then your brain is largely constructed, your character and habits formed and stable. Starting at 13 or 14 is incredibly reckless, and the odds of serious harm happening at that age are much, much higher than for those who start at 18 or 19.

The Final World

If you do get high, smoke or drink, there’s a good chance you’ll find excuses, justifications or even reasons that I am wrong – most users won’t even admit they have a problem, even as their friends watch them self-destruct. But maybe you will see the truth here and stop (I’ve seen this happen as well) – and someone who stops and stays clean is just as good a role model as someone who never started.

In truth, I am mostly writing this for those who are tempted, or who have friends who are tempted to experiment with drugs or alcohol. If you understand the harm they can do to your chapter, and how unfraternal it is to allow substance use to spread in BBYO, maybe you’ll wait until after your time in BBYO to try these things (if you must). At least that is my hope.

Who should run for regional board?

Monday, December 29th, 2008

I recently received the following question from an Aleph:

Recently, one of the ideas we had was that members of chapters in bad standing should not be allowed to run for regional board, the thought being that the chapter should come first (and needs them more). One of the cited examples of why this policy might be good was that of a recent Regional N’siah who had left her chapter, only to have her chapter die out during her regional N’siah term.

On the other side of the argument was those who felt that the region as a collective body should be able to make a judgment call on an issue like that.

So essentially, the question at heart is:

Who “should” run for regional board? What chapters should they come from, what types of leadership backgrounds – should they all be the top leaders (who have completed chapter board) in their top chapters? Should it be a mix of guys who were “extra” in a really strong chapter, guys who were top leaders in a really weak chapter, and the best of the best?

What a great question – one for which there are no easy answers. Or rather, there is an answer, and one that is surprisingly simple – but it isn’t easy.

Democratic principles make it clear: every member should have the right to run for regional board if they meet the constitutional requirements. Those requirements might be based on age or experience, but to deny them the right to run because of the state of their chapter seems to me counter to the principles of equal opportunity and patently unfair.

However, there is a “catch-22” situation here.

For it is the role of regional board above all to support the chapters. And clearly, if a member whose presence is truly crucial to the survival of their chapter were to run for regional board, in doing so they would be acting against that very principle – proving without a doubt that they are not qualified or worthy of being on regional board. This too is patently unfair, but it is an unfairness due to the reality of their situation – not one imposed through politics or bureaucracy.

I tend to trust the membership to understand this and choose wisely. Yes, I know that sometimes they choose poorly, but when this happens they suffer the consequences of their choices, just as we as a nation benefit or suffer from the wisdom of our choices in the voting booth. This too is patently unfair, but is the nature of democracy. I would encourage you, during elections, to ask candidates what will happen to their chapter without them – it is a fair and important question.

One of the marks of a great leader is that they teach and leave great leaders to follow them. If you see a past Godol or N’siah who leaves behind strong leadership, vote for them (especially if they have accomplished this in a smaller chapter) – because with luck they will bring that same skill and philosophy to the region, and teach it to other chapters.


Friday, September 12th, 2008

Ideas have great power. After all, what binds BBYO together more than money and organization are the common ideas and values we share. When you come right down to it, this entire site has been about ideas, because shared vision and ideas have much greater power to build BBYO than rules, policies and even money. And if I’ve sometimes been critical, I’ve strived to be critical of certain ideas and approaches rather than individuals.But as important as criticism is, it is equally important (if not more so) to acknowledge good ideas. And if they happen to come from the executive director of the organization, so much the better.I recently ran into an article published in the April issue of the New York Jewish Weekly by Matt Grossman, BBYO’s Executive Director. I encourage you all to read it at The Jewish Week

In this article, Mr. Grossman addresses an interesting question: Does the existence of the Birthright program (that offers a free trip to Israel for young adults) harm high school Israel programs (attendance of which typically disqualifies a teen from taking the free trip later)? The answer is clearly yes, but the response of BBYO is that this is alright. The competition has driven BBYO to not only create newer innovative Israel and international travel programs but truly unique domestic programs such as Project NYC.

This lesson applies to chapters as well. I’ve know chapters that have whined about competition by USY or FTY programs, or the lack of support by local synagogues who place their resources at the disposal of their own youth groups. But great chapters aren’t afraid of the competition – the leadership, fraternity and sisterhood they offer allows them to succeed despite the competition. And really great chapters understand what Mr. Grossman states so eloquently in his article – that there is room – no, there is need, in the Jewish community for every and any group or organization that reaches out to Jewish youth. Whether it is Birthright, USY, or a temple youth group, what matters most is that every Jewish teen has a place to go and a community to belong to. And if a USY member tries to join your chapter, welcome them – they may later bring their friends. And if a BBYO member goes to a USY event, that’s ok too – they may make new friends there and bring them over as well.

No organization can be everything to everyone all the time. So it is important that everyone remember that ultimately we are on the same team, and that the competition between groups and programs serve to help every group grow stronger.

Frat Program

Friday, June 6th, 2008

I recently received an inquiry from an Aleph who asked:

…was wondering if you knew any good fraternity programs, since that would be useful to the region and our chapter…

That started me thinking. What would make a good fraternity program (and for the purposes of this conversation, let’s assume everything I say refers to sisterhood as well)? Let’s also assume that this Aleph is looking for a program that strengthens fraternity, not just one that teaches or talks about it.

So, what is fraternity?

According to the Blue Book it is:

A spirit of sociability, of cooperation and of friendship toward all AZA’s that shall make of us one fellowship; a love of and a loyalty to AZA and its ideals.

Hmmm… Sounds very nice. But what does it mean? Let’s consider the key words:

  • Sociable – friendly or agreeable in company
  • Cooperation – an act or instance of working or acting together for a common purpose or benefit.
  • Friend – a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

So what is fraternity? One thing it’s not is friendship. A degree of friendship is a part of fraternity, but it’s only a “spirit” of friendship. When the description talks of love and loyalty it doesn’t talk about other members (as it might with friendship), but rather about AZA and its ideals.

So when people talk about how close they feel to other members of the chapter, they’re talking about friendship and belonging, but they aren’t talking about fraternity. So when are you talking about fraternity?

You’re talking about fraternity when you’re talking about how BBYO and your chapter bind you together – how it influences your conduct (hopefully for the better).

You’re talking about fraternity when you talk about working together and getting along with ALL members – not just your friends.

Or put another way. The strongest fraternity is not seen when best friends support each other (that’s friendship). The strongest fraternity is when members who hate each other force themselves to get along and work together for the benefit of the chapter. When they put the community’s needs above their own!

This is something that larger chapters understand almost instinctively (if they didn’t, they never would have gotten large). It’s something that smaller chapter must learn if they expect to succeed (because the key to growing larger is in accepting everyone, not just the “cool” kids).

So what makes a good fraternity program? Examples might include…

…A program on conflict resolution would surely qualify. One that teaches people to resolve differences. Perhaps through scenarios, skits and role plays.

…A program on choices – where you have to evaluate between two choices where one is more beneficial to the individual but the other benefits others – for surely placing the needs of others and of the community equal to and sometimes ahead of your own is a foundation of fraternity.

…Any mixer program – that encourages people to get to know each other beyond superficiality would qualify. A “secrets” type program or values program where people position themselves in a room based on a statement could encourage fraternity.

…Any program that presents individuals with a challenge that they must overcome together can help build fraternity.

…A program that evaluated choices or situations based on the Seven Cardinal Principles (or Jewish values in general) would qualify (remember – loyalty to the ideal of AZA is part of fraternity as well).

And while you’re working on a fraternity program, take a close look at that most critical of principles: conduct. Because let’s face it, you can have the greatest spirit of fraternity in the world, but it’s not worth anything if you don’t act on it.

The Spitzer Effect

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

You’d have to be completely detached from the news (and late night TV) to not know that Eliot Spitzer, former Governor of New York, traded in his reputation, job and possibly marriage for a night with a $4000 prostitute. One can’t help but wonder how anyone could be so incredibly stupid.

How indeed?

Whenever I hear adults criticize teens for doing stupid things (as they often do), I’m always mindful of the Clinton’s and Spitzer’s of the world – proof of the “Dilbert Principle”, that we are all idiots sometimes.

Politicians seem particularly skilled at making huge mistakes, so much so that I hereby introduce a new word: Spitzerian, or to Spitzer – to do something so incredibly stupid that the entire nation is in awe over how someone so intelligent can be so dumb (synonymous with Clintonian, Foleyan and insert name of favorite scandal ridden politician here).

Psychologists come up with all kinds of fancy reasons why people do these things. But, not being a psychologist, I believe it’s just that we human being are stupid sometimes, and do things without thinking of the consequences, or assume we are somehow immune to those consequences. The truth is, we do it all the time. Mostly it’s little things: overeating, not exercising enough, cheating just a bit on our homework, procrastinating, etc.. Most of us avoid the big mistakes, if only because we can’t afford $4000 prostitutes.

I’ve seen BBYO members do some stupid things. I think the difference though is that in many cases they do stupid things because they don’t actually know the consequences (as compared to just not thinking about them).


The Gauntlet is Thrown (and daintily picked up)

Thursday, March 6th, 2008

PastBBGBoardMember, in her recent comment, posted some very strong criticisms regarding this site and some of the comments members have posted. There are two in particular that I wish to address, both because I’ve heard them before and because they go to the very heart of the debate.

First, regarding IBoard she states: “If you don’t agree with how they are working, you should tell THEM, PERSONALLY- because in the end that is the only way that they can adjust their work ethic to best suit you

And second regarding me she states: “you are an advisor for this organization, and I find it pretty unprofessional for you to be conducting yourself on here in the manner that you are

The first of these comments raises a question of such enormous significance that it inspired this post. To understand the significance, let me ask you this: If you are unhappy with what your congressman does, what is appropriate action? To contact him or her directly – absolutely. But is it offensive to write a letter to the editor? Is it offensive to lead a protest march? After all, you did “elect them to office, saying that you wanted them to represent you to the best of their ability, but you trusted them to use their best judgment on how to handle every unique situation they encounter” (to quote PastBBGBoardMember). Does your vote mean you have abandoned your right to critique and debate the congressman’s action in public?

Assuming you have passed high school civics, or read a newspaper (especially in this election season), I think you’ll agree that the answer is no. Public and open discourse is at the heart of any Democracy. It is no accident that the first amendment is the first amendment. Freedom of speech is the fundamental basis of any Democracy.

So, the question at hand is this: Is BBYO a democracy or not?    (more…)

The Grand Board’s Job

Wednesday, February 27th, 2008

RK841Maz took me to task in this comment for saying that the grand board was “out of touch with the electorate” and for falsely accusing them of not serving the members.

First, I want to compliment him for calling me on this an not just sitting and stewing over it – good for him for speaking out.

Second, I do want to clarify – my comment about them being out of touch with the electorate was specifically related to the IC motion on election qualifications, where they supported a motion that was soundly defeated: pretty much the definition of “out of touch with the electorate”. And while it’s true that there are other incidents during the past term where I would have liked to see grand board members be advocates for the members when dealing with international (and policy) issues, I did not and do not mean to ever suggest that they are not committed to BBYO or that they do not work very hard for the organization and the members.

I have had little contact with grand board in general, however I have met quite a few Grand Aleph Godolim and International N’siot. With occasional exceptions, I’ve found them to be among the most remarkable individuals I have ever met. They have run excellent programs at our regional conventions, and made a real effort to reach out not just to the regional leaders, but to the chapter leaders and individual members.

So I have no fault with the Grand Board’s work in general. I have great respect for it and am glad to hear RK841Maz’s view that this will be a strong one. What I do have for this board is a question and a challenge.

Is it just Grand Board’s job to help chapters, train leaders and teach BBYO philosophy?

While they do this part of the job very well, I suggest there is more to being on Grand Board.

You see, in BBYO there is outstanding communication from the “top down”. From international, to regional, to chapters. But the communication in the reverse direction is generally very poor. Especially in this age of “One BBYO” – the push to create uniform procedures and policies – who is going listen to the needs of the individual chapters and regions and represent and communicate their needs to the international staff? Is that not also part of the Grand Board’s job? That is the part of the job that I believe has been lacking in the past. Yes, it is important to work to build the order and help the chapters. Teaching and training and helping – these are critical. But they are also elected representatives. That means reaching out and listening to members, to what they want and need, and making sure those views are communicated and taken into account when decisions are made that impact the entire order.

A Most Perplexing Motion

Wednesday, February 13th, 2008

The first motion for IC business relates to modifying the qualifications for being elected Grand Aleph Godol, adding the following the job description:

In order to be elected for the Godol of the Grand Board of the Aleph Zadik Aleph, one must be a member in good standing as well as have either served as a Regional/Council Godol or previously served on the Grand Board of the Aleph Zadik Aleph.

Now having some sort of qualifications for the office is common sense. It’s rather odd that none currently exist. What makes this motion odd is that the introduction to the motion includes this:

WHEREAS; There has never been a Grand Aleph Godol who was not previously a member of Grand Board or a Regional/Council Godol under the current voting system,

This raises the question – why is this motion needed? Are today’s delegates any less wise that those of prior generations in terms of evaluating the qualifications of candidates? Is there some highly qualified candidate who through fate and circumstance only made it to regional Aleph S’gan who must be prevented from trying? Sure this rule may be just confirming what is existing practice, but is confirming existing practice enough reason to amend the constitution? Is there is fear that future generations might think differently from the current generation (heaven forbid that future generations should make up their own minds).

In the greater scheme of things, this motion will probably not matter (unless, of course, there is that poor regional Aleph S’gan who will be forever denied his chance to run). But even the most innocuous amendments deserve careful thought and consideration – and an understanding of the motives of the makers, and potential consequences (both intended and unintended).